After yesterday's post I got myself thinking about how much I'm willing to compromise my baby raising ideas in order to have some peace of mind. I realized even though I gave into the fact that I'm willing to rock little guy to sleep I do feel a bit frustrated with the fact that I HAVE to rock him to sleep. My mind always wonder about all those silly cry-it-out technique thought out by men who had no idea of the physical reactions that happen inside a mother's body when they hear their baby crying. I've considered those technique once or twice but I knew for a fact my heart wouldn't let me go through with it.
Would that be ok if I just WANTED TO rock him?
Either way the point to this post is to say that this morning I decided to take another approach to the idea. After reading a rather touching post by Sara on Walking with Angels where she talks about the horrible feeling of losing one of her daughters. An idea that I can't even think of without tearing up, the pain from that kind of loss is just impossible to imagine.
After reading her story I've dried my tears out and looked down to see Harry happily playing on his mat, he then looked up at me and gave me a big smile and wiggled his belly as to invite me to play. At that moment it did not matter that I haven't slept much last night or that I was a bit hungry or had stuff to do, i just went down to the floor and gave him as many kisses and hugs as I possible could.
About half an hour later it was kip time and even though I've tried to get him to sleep just by lying by his side in the end I've picked him up and rocked him to sleep, only this time I felt really happy to BE ABLE to do it so. The sudden peace of mind got into me and I just took my time, set on the rocking chair enjoying having my little guy in my arms, dummy in his mouth, fast asleep.
You know when people tell fuzzy eater that they should eat what they've got as there are kids out there who have no food at all? That's how I felt, i shouldn't be thinking of the fact that I have to rock my little boy to sleep instead I should feel blessed that I've been allow to do so as there are mum's out there who would give anything to have just one more sleepless night looking after their little angels.
