Thursday, 7 March 2013
Mourning someone else's loss - #MatildaMae
For days I saw her name across a number of blogs but not knowing if I was going to be able to cope with it I avoided learning the truth for a while. a few weeks ago however I came across the Edspire blog and when I realized I was reading the post where Jennie tells the story of the night she found her little angel dead in her cot.
It was just too late, I was caught up on it and couldn't stop reading, i couldn't stop crying either, in fact haven't stopped crying since. I think of Matilda Mae and her family every single day.
I finished reading the post, got up and went into Harry's room and took away every bit of bedding I had folded on the bottom end of his cot. I used to leave a spare sleeping bag in there for midnight nappy emergency. Still i went to bed worried about my little guy and wishing there was something I could do to protect him . My conclusion is; unfortunately there is only so much one mum can do.
I am a believer that people die when their time comes, that doesn't make life any easier when it comes to losing someone you love though.
I am now a lot more conscious about safety and even stopped bringing Harry to bed when daddy is there as our bed just isn't big enough for the 3 of us. I know there's nothing we do can stop people from dying when their time comes but if anything, my new safety awareness helps avoiding accidents and makes life a lot more enjoyable for our little family.
Every night I thank god for allowing Harry to be such a healthy and happy little boy and since the day I first read the story of Matilda Mae I know beg him to allow lill guy to have a long and happy life. If death is inevitable I for once ask god not to allow me going through the horrors of a mother who outlived her child (whatever age that child may be).
Today I woke up with Harry wrapped around my arms and I couldn't believe how blessed I am to be able to hold my little boy everyday. I gave extra hugs and big kisses and told him how much i love him. Today was Matilda Mae's funeral and her parents prepared this beautiful service to celebrate her short but beautifully lived little life. I hope her family can find peace in their hearts and know that their little angel Tilda is looking down at them and wishing her family to be always happy.
Good night Matilda Mae, sleep in peace. Baby Tilda in the sky.