and the contractions started

while I hardly had any contractions during the first few hours after my water have broken, the same can not be said about the next couple of days that we spent waiting for Harry.

I spent that Monday back and forth between hospital and home, despite have virtually no dilation I was, indeed, having strong contractions every 3 minutes or so. Of course the hospital would send me back home, recommending paracetamol and a bath. The first one done nothing at all for me and a bath was as good as a torture session. I did however have about 4 showers during the night from the 10th to the 11th of June, that really was the only thing that helped me through he pain.

On the 11th in the morning we finally headed to the hospital to be "induced". I sure wish they have told me what that meant, what we would do and what the expected outcome was. I was only told they would induce me but to this day still can't tell you how and when that was done. I spent a couple of days in the hospital waiting to give birth, begging for information and feeling lost as I have never felt before.

I'm not sure if I spoke about this on the blog but i suffered with anxiety through most of my life pregnancy and although I managed not to panic about giving birth - I just did not think about it - the idea of staying in a hospital, on my own, was enough to send my heart pounding. Being an NHS hospital, Dave wasn't allowed to stay with me but luckily I was in a room with another 4 ladies and so exhausted from the previous sleepless night I actually managed to have a half decent night's sleep...mind you gas-and-air might have had something to do with that as well.

The most frustrating thing during the "waiting for baby to arrive" part of my stay was the lack of information coming from doctors, nurses and midwives. I remember asking over  and over again what would the next step be should the induction fail, the answer was always: - that will not happen.
Boy were they wrong?!

Looking back at those days I still find hard to accept the lack of a more humane treatment at a place where millions of women go to, expecting to be looked after. Through the whole my stay I was just too spaced out to think of asking for a C-section and for a while I felt guilty about it now i see that really, if  I was been looked after by professional and ethical carers I would have been offered one, or at least a conversation about that option would have taken place during my stay. Considering that in many countries a mother to be wouldn't go more than 12 to 24 hours waiting for a natural birth after their waters were broken, i do look back now and feel that the whole campaign for natural birth can go way too far, to a point  that can be dangerous for both mother and baby. I understand a natural birth probably costs the NHS less money than a c-section but no family should be put under the pressure for a natural birth, specially when the situation have already dragged itself for over 48 hours.