Flashback Friday - The time when I used to sleep

at 2 months he used to wake up full of smiles, he still does that but some mornings
I need to put myself together to smile back

So life with a baby is full of surprises and the biggest one for me is the fact that I've grown up surrounded by babies - being away I have lost count but I have over 15 nieces and nephews, not counting my parent's 4 gray grandchildren - and still there were things I never took notice of or thought about. One of those things is how your day's main topic becomes SLEEP.
I talk to one of the local mums almost daily and all out conversations seem to start with an update on how night went.
There is one mum at the children center who never talks sleep, of course her little girl sleeps through the night so instead she usually tells us about her nights in with the other half, romantic dinners, bottles of wine and active social life. Oh yes! There is life beyond sleep deprivation, hooray!
I miss the first few months when lill guy used to sleep 12 hours a night with the one feed and I used to wake up refreshed and ready to enjoy every moment with him.
Last night he fed at 11:30pm and 3am, he then woke up 5:30 this morning but after winging a bit stayed happily in his cot until I came in for the first feed of the day so I actually got a lie in, until 6am - SMILE!!.
These days i call that a good night. Early in the morning my breasts were so full, it felt like it used I to on the first few months. He has been feeding every 2 to 2:30 hours during the day and waking up at least every 3 hours during the night so I guess my body as well as my brain was taken by surprise by the "good night's sleep".
There are days when I sit in the front room early in the morning - often after a horrible night - and I daydream about having a proper lie in, like the ones we used to have on the weekends the get up for a junky breakfast and a pajama day. One day - i repeat to myself like a mantra - one day. For now it would be enough to get me over the moon if he just went back to be the good little sleeper that he once was.

This post is linked to Flashback Friday,  click on the link below to find out more!

Good sleeper gone bad...heeeeeeeellllllp

so up to a couple of months ago life was good and I didn't know. Evening was like this:
Daddy would get home from work and play with little guy until 6:30
6:30 massage and bath
7pm feed and bedtime.
3am night feed
7am wake wake

I remember complaining about it a couple of times and wondering how life would be whenever he started to sleep through the night. These days I think the gods were disappointed with me not understanding I had gold and decided to give me a hard time.

evening routine these days?
Daddy comes home from work to moody baby and mumy - often with a headache as well as a bad back - and plays with little guy until he starts screaming because only mum will do.
6:30 whatever much of a massage we can manage before he starts to kick off + bath or just a wash down on days when my back is just too achy for me to hold him in the tub
7pm seat down with now screaming baby for a feed then down to bed - not always that straight forward
10 and/or 11 and/or 12 and/or 1am and/or 2am and or 3am and/or 4am and/or 5am night feed
6am wake wake to a grumpy mummy who wish she her lovely good sleeper would return from wherever he is at the moment.

take last night as an example, he woke up at 11pm  - just as I got into bed after being silly enough to watch telly for a bit longer than i should have. Daddy always tries to comfort him and calm him down, if nothing helps then mum gets up to feed him to sleep. 11:30 I was off to bed until 2am when he kicked off again. This time as it wasn't even 3 hours since he fed, I rocked him to sleep. 3:30am night feed. 4:30am - only 1 hour after feed - he was wide awake smiling and giggling as if it was morning, mummy already panicking rocks him to sleep. Baby was just too full of beans and it took me forever to get him down AND of course he woke up as soon as I tried putting him to bed. By 5am I gave up and fed him to sleep once again.  by 5:30 I was back in bed only to be woken up at 5:50. This time he was doing his happy screaming so I left him to it but it wont lasts for a little while until it turns until an angry scream. By now baby is fed and changed and just there isn't anything else I can do. I very well tried to switch off the monitor and let him cry but my hormones since to overwrite my brain and that sort of thing just doesn't work for me. For a little bit I let him cry then daddy - who luckily booked the day off for today - went to his aid. No much can be done so he brings baby over to our bed. For about 20 minutes I was able to lay there while baby played until he kicked off and once again I rocked him to sleep.

Now here we are, me with a massive cup of coffee - the only one of the day as god forbid baby has any more caffeine than that - and little guy is playing happily like a baby who had a lovely night's sleep. How?????

Just for the record, I've tried giving him a bottle to see if that helps him settling for longer, he just won't take it at all.

If you've been there please I beg of you, leave me some advice, any ideas, anything!  If you are there, do share your story. We might find solace on each other's misery. But be ware, this is a rant post and THAT'S MOTHERHOOD FOR YOU or GET USED TO IT YOU WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN just won't cut it so if that is your comment then sod off  don't bother.

Review: Summer Infant Baby Touch Monitor

This is an independent review, i have not receive any money or product to write this post. Just in case you are wondering I do like to write reviews as I do search for good ones myself when I'm about to invest some money into something a bit pricey.

£129 from Amazon.co.uk 

When Harry was born he slept in his Moises by my bed, that was mainly because my mum was staying with us - sleeping in his room - for the first 2 months but it was also very convenient for night feeds as he was just an arm's length from me.

When the time came to move him to his bedroom, me being my usual over protective and super pessimist person decided that the first step was to have the baby monitor set up.

Although I did give ideas of what sort of features I'd like the new gadget to have, it was hubby's job to chose and buy the monitor and I have to say I'm really happy with his choice.

The Summer Infant Baby Touch Digital Video Monitor has a camera which makes it possible for me to check on little guy without having to enter the room, that is really helpful in the middle of the night as well as during the day when I think he might be just about to fall asleep.

The great thing about the camera is that not only you can move it's head - for those with babies that are already moving about during the night - but the image quality is brilliant. Sharp picture during the day and great quality night vision image through the night. You can also zoom in if there is anything you want to check closely.

Another good feature is the talk back bottom, you can talk to baby from whenever you are. At the moment that doesn't do much - apart from sparking his curiosity - but whenever the age comes when hearing mum's voice helps him going back to sleep the talk back bottom will be great. Daddy and I do however use the bottom to talk to each other; daddy to talk to me whenever he goes to check on Harry and me to ask for help when I'm feeding the little guy.

The sound quality is also great. A bit too good sometimes as I can hear all different sounds from his bedroom. If anything at night time I usually turn the volume right down or I get this buzzing noise in my ear. I think the buzz noise is from electrical stuff in his room or it could also be sounds from the street, either way even with the volume very low I can easily hear him at night even though the camera is about 4 feet away from his cot. Something i found very important is that every time you switch the monitor on the volume goes back to default so even if you turn it right down at some point of the day or night, there is no risk to forget about it and not hear your baby.

Summer Infant Baby Touch Monitor is also highly portable. The camera can be on power mains or AA batteries, the monitor has it's charging base and the battery lasts a while, whenever operating on battery the monitor will shut the video down after about a minute to save some juice. Although that is good enough for a couple of hours during the day, the battery on the camera doesn't last long so overnight you really need it to be operating on mains. Also you can link another 3 cameras to the monitor and have them all set up around the house so you don't have to keep on moving the camera if you wish to keep an eye on the little one while potting around during the day.

One little problem I have with this monitor is the room thermometer which isn't very accurate, I get the feeling it actually measures the camera's temperature and it does get very warm. Right now his egg thermometer is showing 21C and the monitor's thermometer shows 24C. Not really a massive fault but it would be good to be able to tell the temperature on a quick glance as the baby being cold or overheating is always a big worry.

That's it, all in all a great piece of kit which really helped me relaxing knowing that I'm able to check on Harry at any time overnight. Definitely recommend to all parents who want peace of mind to be able to get a good night's sleep, or a few hours sleep for that matter.

Feeling blessed

After yesterday's post I got myself thinking about how much I'm willing to compromise my baby raising ideas in order to have some peace of mind. I realized even though I gave into the fact that I'm willing to rock little guy to sleep I do feel a bit frustrated with the fact that I HAVE to rock him to sleep. My mind always wonder about all those silly cry-it-out technique thought out by men who had no idea of the physical reactions that happen inside a mother's body when they hear their baby crying. I've considered those technique once or twice but I knew for a fact my heart wouldn't let me go through with it.

Would that be ok if I just WANTED TO rock him?

Either way the point to this post is to say that this morning I decided to take another approach to the idea. After reading a rather touching post by Sara on Walking with Angels where she talks about the horrible feeling of losing one of her daughters. An idea that I can't even think of without tearing up, the pain from that kind of loss is just impossible to imagine.

After reading her story I've dried my tears out and looked down to see Harry happily playing on his mat, he then looked up at me and gave me a big smile and wiggled his belly as to invite me to play. At that moment it did not matter that I haven't slept much last night or that I was a bit hungry or had stuff to do, i just went down to the floor and gave him as many kisses and hugs as I possible could.

About half an hour later it was kip time and even though I've tried to get him to sleep just by lying by his side in the end I've picked him up and rocked him to sleep, only this time I felt really happy to BE ABLE to do it so. The sudden peace of mind  got into me and I just took my time, set on the rocking chair enjoying having my little guy in my arms, dummy in his mouth, fast asleep.

You know when people tell fuzzy eater that they should eat what they've got as there are kids out there who have no food at all? That's how I felt, i shouldn't be thinking of the fact that I have to rock my little boy to sleep instead I should feel blessed that I've been allow to do so as there are mum's out there who would give anything to have just one more sleepless night looking after their little angels.

Forgiving myself

So after a few weeks feeling a bit overwhelmed - and frankly a bit down - I seem to be going back to a slightly healthier routine. The last month gone by on a flash and between sleepless nights with a teething little boy and mummy fighting a stomach bug somehow I completely lost control of daytime routine and found myself relaying on the dummies for all different things and having to rock Harry to sleep.
Following that thought I also found myself feeling really frustrated.
See the thing is that we all have certain expectations before the baby is born and coming from a rather large family I was hoping to mirror certain things I've seen on my sibling's families. Some of my nieces have never touched a dummy and they would easily fall asleep anywhere at anytime.
I had it all thought out; no dummy, no rocking to sleep, give him loads of cuddles but put him down once he is fed and so on.
I know I know, this is probably a  place where most mums have been but I did feel really angry at myself when I realized that once little guy got into the habit of feeding to sleep at bedtime, the daytime kips were becoming harder and harder and although I used to think it was ok to rock him every now and then -whenever he wasn't so well or just having a real hard time falling asleep - turns out once we both found the easier way for a kip he no longer wanted to know of falling asleep on his own.
Add to all that, teething at 4 months and the only thing that seems to help is the "forbidden" pacifier. On the one hand I'm actually lucky he took the dummy at all, I've seen some mums with early teethers and babies that won't sleep during the day and they would give anything for their little ones to take the dummy but on the other hand there's the fact that once he got a bit dependent on it he will eventually wake up during the night and will need it to be able to go back to sleep. Since he sleeps in his own room that means I have to get up a couple of times a night to attend to his claims.
Now I'm not fooling myself here. I know that when I say he needs something that mainly means that I got used to the fact that it is easier to rock him than to walk into his bedroom every 2 minutes for a whole hour trying to make him sleep.
Anyways, after a few days I just gave in to the fact that he will grow out of it - at least that's my hope and I'm holding on to it - and eventually I'll be able to ween him off the dummy and teach how to go to sleep on his own. After all there is just no point on kicking myself for doing all I can to comfort my baby. It does take a lot of effort however i still stand to the fact that he is only a little guy who is working hard to grow and learn all he can in a very short period of time, the least I can do is to try my best to make the journey a bit easier for him.
Hear hear for lots and lots of cuddles as he will soon grow out of it and I'll be the one wanting to rock him to sleep.

a hard day's night

Since the my last post our night time activities have been up and down and right now it feels like they are on an all time low, hence the reason why I haven't posted for a few days even though my brain is over floating with ideas. 

Now guess what? Baby is teething.

Little guy is only 15 weeks and for the past week has been drooling liters a minute, nervously brushing his hands against his gums (whenever he manages to put his hands to the mouth as due to age he is still mastering that skill), grunting like a really annoyed puppy and waking up many times a night, which isn't his normal thing but then again, considering what he is going through I'm just happy he is sleeping at all. Add to all that the neediness during the day and mummy doesn't get much of a break at all. 

So far I've tried Calpol, Bonjela, homeopathic powder, rubbing his gums and cold dummies and no, nothing seems to work. Does anyone suggests something else? My mum told me to rub honey to his gums but the fact that the health advisers tell you not give them honey until they are 2 years of age gets me a bit worried. 

I know I know, "that is motherhood for you" right? 

Of course it is but that doesn't man we need to bottle up and keep quiet about it, or does it? 

...what a difference a day makes

cheeky smiles after a good night sleep and a 15 minutes feed

So after my rant last night I went to bed, once again, hoping that little Harry would sleep at least until 5am. So at 3am, as my body is very much used to it, i woke up expecting him to wake up to feed and nothing. At 4:20am he winged a little bit, I went to his bedroom and just before picking him up to feed I had an impulse and gave him the dummy and went to lay down on the spare bed in his room.

Guess what? 5am and he was ready to feed.

Even better? The night feed is usually followed by another 3 hours sleep so so by 5:30am I was back in my own bed and, if it wasn't for the downstairs neighbor who always slams the door on her way out to work, I would've slept through to 8:30am. Instead at 7:30 after the door slamming I got up and gave him the dummy again and back to the spare bed until 8:30. Yes...it doesn't seem like much but for me that was a great night and gave me much needed rest.

Right now he is asleep and I'm hoping the whole longer night event will "become a thing"!

Just one night

Most mums with a 3 month old baby would be over the moon if their little ones only woke up once a night and trust me i know how precious that is, specially because that's what Harry has done since he was about a month and a half still I have to say sleep deprivation is taking it's toll on me.

We all know babies don't sleep much and we all expect sleepless nights once the little bundles are born however when you haven't had a night's sleep for months before the arrival of your little one, the smallest things can become a nightmare.

The last time I can remember sleeping well was about October last year, since then between being made redundant about a month after I found out I was pregnant, 24/7 sickness from 1st trimester, hormones playing havoc with me bio clock during 2nd trimester and endless trips to the loo on the 3rd one  I found myself sleeping only a few hours a night whenever I slept at all.

Result? These days I walk around with achy heavy eyes, can't really concentrate much on anything and will eventually feel grumpy and very irritable.

How to cope with it? Who knows. The whole sleep when baby sleeps only worked for a few of weeks as my mum was here helping us and baby actually used to sleep really well. These days Harry has a few catnaps during the day which usually just gives me enough time to eat or get really take him out for a bit.

My last thought every evening? - I hope tonight is the night he will sleep through, fingers crossed!

Big boy

When Harry first came home from hospital he used to sleep in his moises just by my bed. It certainly was easy to handle the night feeds as he was just there. About a month ago we moved him to his big cot bed on the other side of the bedroom, he was very happy as he had already out grown the moises and now he had real room to move about - during sleep.
Now I had to get use to actually getting off my bed in the middle of the night. i used to be able to put the dummy back in his mouth just by stretching my arm and now I had to get up, get that sorted and go back to bed praying he would sleep for a bit longer.
If anything moving him to the cot was really good to weaned me off having the baby by my side all night.
Today the time came to move Harry into his own room, baby monitor on the ready and lets see how mummy will cope with the separation and having to get up and go to another room for the 3am feed. I say lets see how mummy does it as little boy has being out cold for hours and as far as he is concerned providing he is nice and cozy his bed is to sleep no matter where his bed is.

Highs and Lows

Chilling on a good day

To say that no two days are the same when you have a newborn in the house is an understatement, no two minutes are the same is more like it, the little ones sure like to keep you on your toes.

Little Harry is a good sleeper when it comes to nights but doesn't excel on day time naps still the one thing i can usually count on is his little kip after the first feed of the day, he will usually sleep for an hour, maybe two if he is about to start a very good day. The one thing is sure is that if something goes wrong with that first kip I know we are off to a harder-than-usual day.

Yesterday I was really happy as Harry had a 2 hours kip in the morning. I had time to eat, shower, update the blog, browse the web and - if I knew he was going to sleep for that long - I could have done a lot more, including having a little nap myself.

This morning after his first feed Harry went back to his cot as every morning but only lasted enough for me to have my breakfast - and it was just as well as that was the last meal I've managed through the day - after that he started to fuss and it took me a few attempts to get him to sleep. I knew we were off to a bad day as in the morning he usually doze off on his own.

For the rest of the day I was stepping on egg shells with a 3 month old that is teething and because of that and MAYBE SOMETHING ELSE doesn't feed for longer than about 10 to 15 minutes every 2 to 3 hours. New mum's nightmare as health visitor told me to make sure he was feeding for at least 20 minutes after his weight went down on the last two weeks. Add to that the sudden pain he seems to get every now and then - again we are putting that down to teething but there's no way to be sure - and even his usual nap when we go out for a walk didn't go as planned.

After a few hours of crying -that's both the baby and I - many frustrated attempted to feed him - when it usually took me about 20 minutes to make sure he actually fed for at least 10 - some playing with daddy to wait until bath time - and then cry all through bath time - the little bundle of joy fed for half an hour, with some fussing, and went down without a sound.

Yap, little boy took the day to keep me on my toes.